hello stranger,

hello kitties,
i (zhao, erika, or whatever you guys know me as) have succumbed the ease of tumblr.
find me at:

XX

love, crayondust

well, at least i've tried.
(:
 

Ever since the hectic December months, my body clock has inevitably been screwed up with me sleeping at godly hours at 6am and only waking at 4pm.
So now that I'm a bored & lazy bummer, I decided to sort out some pictures that I have taken in my short 3-day trip to India, Ahmedabah last year.
It was an impromptu & last min decision to head over to the land of smiles for mum's client's wedding.
This is the first set of wedding pictures that I have taken, but they are essentially the worst set of pictures I've ever taken.
I'm disabled by the terrible monsoon with gloomy skies & thunderstorms, the inability to get out of my car to take pictures because mum thought somebody would abduct me, and most importantly, the apparent lack of chemistry & love between the married couple.
There and then, it just dawned upon me how people in poorer conditions can't really choose their fate.
We, the apathetic bunch in Singapore, ought to be cherishing our sacred freedom.

( Who are we mistaken? ) 
This is the union, the bond.


xx
 

it's the time of the year again.

December is always embraced with mixed feelings; a concoction of bittersweet memories and a sore reflection of yourself today.
it has the ability to leave you dazed along memory lane, while time abandons you behind with a whiff.
it's the month where we rejoice with school holidays, festivals, birthdays, nicer weather and the returning of our loved ones.
behind this sweet facade however, it marks the very end of a blazing or perhaps cold twelve months.
it is then that time reveals its shiny white teeth and threatens to devour us into a supermassive black hole.

the cacophony of Christmas songs, laughter and joy is a harsh, choking reminder that 2009 is coming to an end.
now as the speeding clock continues its relentless ticking, i'm taking the backseat as i wonder out loud how these 364 days have been like for me.
i used to be this excited little girl who couldn't wait for December, where i can receive presents and happily countdown to the next year with a blast.
i have indulged myself in such high hopes and naive beliefs that the next year would definitely be better.
but as the frequency of disappointments, expectations, doubts, betrayals and uncertainties increases, i find my faith and beliefs being twisted into spools of threads, cast away in a forgotten vault.
slowly but surely, i see myself resenting December and its hidden fangs.
i am scared out of my pants at the ugly truth of growing up and reality.
if something magical really do happen when the clock strikes 12, may Peter Pan and Tinkerbelle cast their pixie dust on me and guide me to NeverNeverland.

but before then, i'll be spending my last precious five hours of 2009, dining with mum and counting down minutes of our youth with my bestest friends.


xx
 

so the birthday week was crazzzzy once again.

hahah i finished my bloody IRHR essay, telephone interview, writing portfolio, draft major production proposal last wk.
not to mention i still went for the PR gathering at Majestic (which stacey and me got hopelessly lost) and i even had to plan for the chalet on sunday. 
just when i thought that things couldnt get worse or even more tiring, I crashed daddy's bmw on sunday.
reached home on tuesday morning and i spent the whole day sleeping.
i'm so tired, can't emphasize or describe how tired i was.
everything felt like a dream, haha i dont even know how i got through everything.
and the best part is that i just remembered that im flying to taiwan next thurs, and i have a 45% assignment due on the following monday :/
so... that essentially means i need to finish up my work by this weekend.
SUPERWOMAN, POWER UP, GO!

anyway today i'm not going to blog about my birthday party and celebration, because there's something even more important to reflect upon.

daddy didnt scold me for crashing his car, he just went: "girl girl, see la i told you alr. If you're late and anxious, you'll do stupid things like that.'
and it wasn't just a minor scratch or what, it was a freaking HUGE dent on the right back wheel cover.
i crashed it against a pillar in the multi-storey carpark at parkway and there was this effing effing effing LOUD bang.
i swear i would never want to hear something like that ever again.
thinking back, it was a really horrible experience. i just kept crying and crying non-stop.
zx got pissed off at me as well because i was being snappy and irritating.
i have never felt more disappointed with myself.
just when my dad handed my very own keys to me, i had to do something like that to hurt his precious car.
just when he gave me so much money for my silly party, i had to do this to make him pay more for repairs.

and the most remarkable thing is that dad still entrusted me with his car that very night; he left it with me so that it would be more convenient for me to travel and buy things for the 2nd day of the chalet/party.
he paid for my chalet, my hair perm, the food & he stood outside to bbq the whole time.
he took a plane to KL (when he knows how to drive there) for a meeting, so that he can rush back in time to make it for my chalet on sunday.
he took time off to buy a white gold bracelet from KL for me, even when i already told him not to spend any more money on presents.
on tuesday, he even brought cherry down to help transport things from the chalet into his car and sent me home thereafter.

i always complain that my parents don't stay true to their words and do things that hurt me.
i always tell zx how he can never understand the agony i have to go through.
i had come to realise the hard way that my parents can't give me their time and that they can only give me money, so i've learnt to treasure each and every minute spent with them.
but it was only on these few days that i truly understood the fact that people try to make up for their mistakes in different various methods.
like how mum brings me on along on her travelling escapades to make up for the time she was not around us.
these few days, i've discovered how much daddy loves me, how he can accept my flaws and continue pampering me in the best way he could.
no matter whatever wrongs he has done in the past or even now, i truly believe that daddy had never planned to hurt any of us intentionally.
and for the first time in my entire life, i realised that i have really forgiven him from deep down of the bottom of my heart.



i love you daddy.
 

it'll be awesome if singapore has four seasons.
that way, i can wear clothes that i want w/o being scared of over-dressing.
imagine all the coats, blazers, berets etc that we can all dress up in.
how nice.

didn't exactly had a great week.
fell ill with this terrible sore throat & headache.
flunked my interview analysis of 25%, maybe we've misinterpreted what he said.
gave him something that was wrong, so he only marked the tv section.
would have felt 10x better if he didn't tell me that i would have gotten an A if i didn't make that mistake.
oh boy there goes another chance of hd.
not like my grades aren't bad enough.
heard something which made me upset for like half the day; i ought to start learning how to pluck weeds soon.
had a pr presentation on wed, it was good as quoted from Robert so yeah that makes me happy (:
all the hard work we've put in is worth it i guess.
but im so worn out this wk, battling my sickness & disappointments & deadlines...
im so thankful that the weekends are here, this wk seemed incredibly long.
Silhouette PR Agency!





im just thinking... sometimes i wish im skinner.
i know people will hate me for saying such stuffs but i hate my fat thighs.
 

I CANT BELIEVE I MISSED THIS IN THE CINEMAS.
paper heart seems to be one of the most amazing film ever :D
and cloudy with a chance of meatball was good, yeah it's the typical 'happily-ever-after' ending.
but we do need such ideologies and dreams in life, don't we?

met my other half of chatterbox today, it was good as usual.
i feel evil but i find it remarkably amusing that she has finally met her match among the boys she've dated HAHA
and she freaking tempted me with a 1cent ticket for BKK, i can't stop thinking about it omg.
anyhow i miss bitch club a whole lot, including yingjie who kept mia-ing.
im damn excited to run the feature story on her and her dolls (:
it makes me feel so weird and awkwardly happy that i actually enjoy my schoolwork (other than biz) for the first time in my life.
some days i wake up feeling that i should have studied harder for As, but most days i wake up feeling that i should have went mass comm straightaway after my Os.
geez.


 

enjoy your weekends people!

xx